SEPTEMBER 13, 1996 GAY PEOPle's ChroNICLE

21

BIG TIPS

I love him, but he always leaves my tools in a mess

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

Ah, September. The freshly scrubbed face, the carefully chosen outfit laid out the night before, a silent prayer offered for just one day of directional hair; yes, this autumn, with the giddy return of swirling leaves, it's time for me to renew my driver's license.

Now, if it weren't for a consistently weird experience with my former licenses, my expectations would be more predictable. Due to the madcap transience of youth, I've had licenses in many different states (and a District), and all of the photos were, if I may flatter myself shamelessly, brilliant. These were the photos like you'd hope for at your wedding, put in a time capsule, or give to your grandmother to flash indiscriminately over coffee with the girls.

The Catholic in me knew: I was in for a comeuppance. Pride cometh before the fall; this time, in the fall. No sooner than I had moved to my current residence, I jaunted cavalierly down to the DMV for my quadrennial ego boost, and got in return a pop-eyed, baldy-headed, leering portrait that, frankly, scared the hell out of me. Who knew anyone could be slack-jawed and sneer at the same time? I'm always surprised when a cashier viewing it doesn't actually turn into stone.

Four years later, I think I've paid my dues, and I'm heading back to the DMV, humbler, but with definite plans to comb my hair, keep my mouth shut and smile.

Dear Big Tipper,

My boyfriend and I have agreed to agree with what you say on this matter. I hope you can set him straight. I am, among other things, a professional carpenter, and I have a shop set up for my business attached to our house. It's important for me to have my tools clean and available when I'm working.

My lover is a great painter, and he's decided to start making his own frames, and of course it makes sense to make them in the shop, but he destroys it every time. He always says he's just about to come back and neaten up, but that doesn't seem to happen before 1. need to work there, and can't find anything. When I go to use a tool, frequently it will have blobs of glue all over it. I love him, I'm proud of him, and I want to kill him. What would you suggest?

Dear Tool for Love,

Tools of the Trade

Those wacky artists! It sounds like he's letting his right-brain self explode all over your left-brain territory. First of all, though, you should reassure your boyfriend that I won't actually set him straight, although that certainly would be a dramatic way to resolve your dispute.

Now I don't know how big your shop is, but if it merits an actual extension on your house, there's probably enough room for him to have some turf of his own. This could be permanent space, like his own workbench, or the end of a table, demarcated with tape, or if he needs more space, he could have a tarp to roll out on the floor that he keeps everything on, which always gets rolled up when he leaves. The actual tool issue could be largely solved by getting him his own basic tools, since he doesn't need the wide assortment you need. Clearly mark his, and get him a nice box or a pegboard for them. He'll still need some of your stuff, but there shouldn't be such heavy traffic.

You might also take the opportunity to work together, instead of running screaming. You can be there to show him how to use the tools he's not as familiar (or as reverent) with, and sometimes it's just nice to be work-

ing together while you're doing separate things. I think it's going to be okay. Good luck.

Dear Big Tipper:

Just when I thought finishing my associate's degree was the hard part, now I have to write my résumé and apply for jobs!

I've been out for several years, and have been out at most of the jobs that I've held, but up until now none of them have been jobs I would have minded losing if the boss had been unpleasant about me being a lesbian. Now I'm applying for more serious work, and I'd really like to be out as of the interview process, so everyone knows what's going on from the get-go. Do you have any ideas on how to do this in a casual way? Thanks.

Get A Job

Dear Working Queer for the Money,

Yeah, you'd be surprised at how rarely it is appropriate, despite your purity of intention, to announce at the end of a great interview, "By the way, I'm a great big muff diver."

There are several ways to insinuate your wholesome perversion into the process without having to be blunt or inappropriate. Don't "straighten up" your résumé. If you have relevant work experience with any gaylesbian group, paid or volunteer, include it. If that isn't applicable, include under "Interests" that queer activism you do, the gay bike club, or the lesbian mom's group. Another opportunity may come up in the discussion about benefits. If coverage is available for spouses, you'll want to make sure that your honey qualifies. If you don't have a sweetie, feel free to make one up for the interview. You can always have an amicable breakup before your first day on the job.

Congratulations on starting out on the right foot. Since I assume you're not applying for jobs as an anti-abortion counselor or a right wing lobbyist, hopefully your sexual identity won't adversely impact your job search. Of course, there are employers who won't hire you if you're queer, but do you want to work for them? Yuck. Go be bold, get a great job, and set a good example for the closet-heads at your future workplace. ✔

Send your questions on life, love, and how to pose for ID-card cameras to M.T. Martone, at the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland Ohio 44101, or fax to 216-631-1082, or e-mail ChronOhio@aol.com.

The Travel Place

Business & Leisure Travel

Airline Tickets

Hotel and Car Rental Reservations Gay and Lesbian Guesthouse Listings

RSVP Cruises Olivia Club Med & Cruises Atlantis Club Med & Cruise

Call Bonnie Leitch for more information and brochures

22965 Lorain Road Fairview Park, OH 44126

(216) 734-1886

ANNOUNCING OUR 2ND LOCATION

VIDEO

CENTRAL

Still the largest Laserdisc selection in Central Ohio

OPEN 24 HOURS

Large selection of Videos --all ratings, Super Nintendo, Sega

German Village 231 E. Livingston 221-6848

North 1299 Bethel Rd. 442-TAPE

LOBAMA

THEATRE

1846 Coventry Road Cleveland Heights

216.932.6838

The Cleveland Premiere of a 1995-96 Off-Broadway Hit!

THE FOOD CHAIN

BY NICKY SILVER

MAKING UP THE RULES: The Playwright and Director in the Post-Modern Era

A Pre-Show Discussion hosted by Director Walter E. Grodzik Sun Sept 15 at 7 PM stay after to meet and talk with the cast!

Admission

Fri and Sat $14 Thur and Sun⚫ $11 Senior and Student Discount⚫ $2 Off

With the Support of The George Gund Foundation The Cleveland Foundation The Ohio Arts Counc

graphie: Warren

A hysterical black farce about our modern obsession with sex, loneliness and the importance of being thin. Opens Thursday September 12!

Performance Schedule Thu, Fri, Sat at 8 PM Sun Sept 15 at 7:30 PM Sun Sept 29 and Oct 6 at 2:30 PM

No Performances

Fri Sept 13 or Sun Sept 22

Call 932.6838

Directed by Walter E. Grodzik

September 12 October 6, 1996

Have a bite with Calvin Klein model Serge Stubin...

hoto: Aique Winston layout: David Hansen